Forever to Repair
Can you forget the past? I trusted a friend, let’s call her Roberta for the sake of anonymity.She said all the right things, but her actions did not align with her words. William Blake said, "It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." Sophocles said, “Trust dies but mistrust blossoms.” And lately, both quotes have resonated.
Feeling hurt sucks. I struggle working towards healing this relationship but how can I find a way past the feeling of betrayal? Triggers lie around every corner as I take one step forward and three steps back. Just when I feel a bit more comfortable and the potential of the friendship being resuscitated is on the horizon, a conversation, a simple word uttered, yanks me back strong like an undertow. Drawn back into the hurt and mistrust involuntarily, reminded of how she hurt me. The mistrust hovers and waits, grabbing me without notice.
Why is it so hard to heal from hurt? When a friend, a family member, a significant other hurts me deeply, why is it so hard to overcome the mistrust even when I desperately want to let it go? Does anyone know of a quick fix? My friend is doing all the right things, patiently working towards regaining my trust and respect, and I too am trying, but damn it’s hard.
I guess that’s why they say trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair. Trust is a funny thing. It seems some things are easier to forgive than others. Friedrich Nietzsche says “I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”
Forgiving is actually the easy part, believing her is harder. I forgive my friend. I do I truly do. But the feeling of trust does not follow. The lack of control over when the trust will return is the hard part. It’s clearly more work holding onto the negativity, letting it go would be far easier, but triggers appear and I’m back in the sadness, reminding me of the initial incident.
Walter Anderson said, "We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy" No truer words have been said. I keep this quote alive in my head, a reminder that if I chose to rediscover this important friendship, finding trust again will be the only way of finding the immense joy again.