The Iteration of Friendships
Throughout my life, friendships have been paramount. I think most women would agree that their female relationships carry them through life unlike their romantic relationships. While many friendships are consistent throughout a lifetime, some appear for a window of time, building on a commonality during a season of life. I’ve relied on my friends over the years for parenting advice, a shoulder to cry on, or fun girls’ nights out on the town and the players in those roles can shift as my life evolves.
At the first signs of my marriage beginning to fray there were friends that I could confide in while I maintained a glossy exterior. When I found myself accepting a profound new normal, the struggles I endured were difficult to admit to myself and sharing my strife with even my closest friends took courage. There were friends that stood by me as I developed as an individual and listened to my saga which resembled a Lifetime movie, but others shied away. I was no longer part of the couple world and often not included in couples’ activities. On the flip side, I was meeting many new friends in a similar stage of life and built wonderful fresh relationships. While my life choices had distanced some existing friendships, it opened the door for wonderful people to enter my life.
Friends take on different roles throughout life, and timing is a relevant factor. There are friends that were vital to my daily life several years ago, as I began my journey to be a writer and navigated middle school with daughters, yet today those relationships are not as prominent in my life. Proximity, stage of life, or shifts in circumstances all influence relationships. There seems to be no certain indicator when the change will arise; no fight, or inciting incident, just a natural progression of relationships taking on a new form. Connections that were once day to day, morph into a sporadic check in; different from where they began. My heart aches a bit when a photo memory appears reminding me of a shift in a tight relationship that drifted apart. Smiling faces in a picturesque setting where the closeness transcends the image on the screen. I sigh and wonder why the distance occurred. Was there a specific moment when the shift began? I remind myself that growth requires change. If I’m living, I am emotionally developing, and my friends are as well, but our individual life paths may diverge.
The iteration of friendships parallels that of life. If I am doing life the right way, I’m moving, changing, growing, experiencing, exploring, and hopefully the people I choose to surround myself with are developing as well. Some are changes we choose, and some are the result of a life full of expected ups and downs that force us to focus on what’s most important in that moment. A move, an ailing family member, or even a divorce can influence the direction of a relationship. It can strengthen a friendship or lead to a divide. Somewhere in my heart, I hope these relationships will resurface at the right place and time when we can once again share our secrets and some good belly laughs together.