Girl Talk
A moment of Mother Daughter love.
If you’ve been reading my weekly blog, you are aware that I have three lovely teenage daughters. I remember when my third was born, praying that she would in fact be another girl. The thought of all the new boy toys, clothes and activities overwhelmed me. It would streamline my life to just have another girl even though life as a mom of three girls is not for the faint of heart. I wouldn’t want it any other way, but the strength needed to raise three daughters is not to be taken lightly.
In the early years, my little girls sat quietly on the floor holding dolls, a toy car or a book, while the rambunctious boy darted across the room, tumbling upon one another and I twitched. My friends with boys laughed at my discomfort. The boys would find “fun” activities in my house that had never occurred to my girls. Like dumping every last book from a bookcase, or tipping over the dog’s water bowl only to be delighted in laughter. I knew the tides would turn and the physical endurance necessary to keep up with little boys would be a cakewalk compared to the emotional rollercoaster my teenage girls were likely to provide.
I have amazing daughters. Not to brag, but they are happy, likelable, responsible, respectful, caring young women. They know the value of friendship and family, they know right from wrong and they have curious minds. But, when I take a moment and think about the daily life in our home, it bends my mind as to how I get through it all. Here are a few highlights.
Emotions. Emotions are alive and well in our home. Mine included. When you have three daughters it’s a miracle when a full twenty-four hours passes without at least one of them crying over some “crisis” ranging from schoolwork, to friendship woes, to general dissatisfaction with the house rules. It’s rare to complete a full day without an angry sibling screaming match over borrowed clothing without permission, or music being played too loud. Daughters provide daily lessons in navigating emotions.
2. Meals. A fridge full of food will not be enough for daughters. (Perhaps Boys do this as well, but I wouldn’t know so bare with me here.) “There’s nothing to eat. We have no food!” The translation of this is, “There is nothing I want in here, thus we have no food.” My daughters go through eating phases. They are often addicted to a few favorite things then suddenly without warning they are no longer interested and I am stuck with fifteen boxes of the spinach artichoke dip that they couldn’t live without, and ate so quickly I couldn’t keep stock, yet now refuse to touch. They are known to wake up and are decidedly vegetarian, or dairy free, or eating only fruit, only to scream, “MOM! We have no food in the house.” when I stop buying all the food they have declared never to eat again.
3. Clothing. Sigh. Where should I begin? This is a good one to follow the meal synopsys because the concept is the same only with clothing. With three girls you can only imagine the plethora of clothing available under one roof. Friends literally call me when their daughters are searching for some specific item because they know we will come through. Despite others assuming we have every possible piece of clothing available in stores, “MOM! I have nothing to wear!” Is common in our home. The frustration as a mom is not in this statement, but rather the refusal for my girls to go shopping when I offer to take them to make sure they have the shoes for prom, or the sweater for the family dinner. When they try to raid my closet to complete the perfect outfit, that’s when the real trouble begins. Daughters and their clothing woes is a concept I don’t fully understand and I think it would be best if I just stop trying.
4. Drama. Part of raising my girls has included more girl drama than on the cast of The Bachelor. Over the years I’ve become immune to the fluctuations in friends. One week Jane is her best friend, another she is the arch enemy, or the “meanest girl ever.” When my oldest began grade school and these statements emerged, I hung on every word practically crying myself to sleep at the thought of another girl hurting my precious daughters feelings, but I soon learned this was “normal.” What once would make my heart ache, became tolerable. The turbulent relationships between tween and teenage girls is enough to lead a mother to find deep cleansing breaths in order to function.
5.Love. With all the craziness, the overwhelming demands, the endless hours of counselling, listening and guiding, daughters bring big love. It may be a simple unexpected text of, “Thanks mom. I’m sorry. ILY,” a spontaneous hug, or the gift of an empty kitchen sink, but the impact is big with daughters. There’s an unspoken connection between a mother and a daughter that lies beneath all the obnoxious comments, and eye rolls, and all you girl moms know exactly what I’m talking about. There’s a comfort between mother’s and daughters that allows the screaming, and the confrontation, and the tears, and the frustration on both sides. The safety net that we all know is there, quietly waiting for the moments when we need our daughters and when they need us. The craziness is fueled by passion, safety and love, that drives us all insane and tests us at every turn, but makes the love that much richer.