Anger Management
I could feel the stress oozing up my spine and slowly being deposited into the muscles in my shoulders. I got off at the next exit and merged onto the highway turning back toward the direction we came. Anger comes in many forms, and this was irritation, frustration and annoyance. I sucked in a deep breath through my nose and slowly let it exit my mouth as my knuckles turned white from my grip on the steering wheel. When my daughter realized she had forgotten her drivers license at home, we were about ten minutes from the airport. “It’s OK. I know you didn’t mean it.” Were the only words I could utter, but a tsunami was on a tirade throughout my body.
Anger is a difficult emotion for me. I grew up in a house where there was little screaming and for the most part everyone was cordial during disagreements. Often the discord was swiftly swept under the rug and we would frequently joke about the lump in the familial carpet. As I matured and entered my marriage, I was skilled at staying calm, turning the other cheek and keeping my emotions in check. Especially anger. I had no experience with anger or rage and had no clue how to handle it. We all experience basic human emotions like happiness, sadness, anxiety, disgust and anger is just another one to add to the list. Anger is normal and necessary, but it was never in my wheelhouse, and when rage was displayed in my home I retreated to avoid it at all costs.
Recently I’ve noticed my aversion for my own angry feelings and began exploring how to feel anger in a healthy way and appreciating the difference between rage and anger. Yes. I’m a grown adult like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman learning to say “I am very angry with him.” I think I have struggled with feeling angry because I’ve had it confused with rage. Rage was scary and I equated it with anger so I stuffed my anger far away. Anger can be productive, solve a problem or provide emotional protection, while rage serves no purpose and typically wounds. Rage is overpowering and there is typically a loss of control, unlike anger which is controlled and often necessary to provide boundaries or self preservation. Frustration, impatience, irritation or aggravation,are all examples of anger that if not addressed, can morph into resentment which I have felt over the years. Hostility, bitterness, aggressiveness, vindictiveness and vengefulness are all displays of unhealthy anger otherwise known as rage.
While I’ve struggled with properly feeling anger, I’ve realized that it’s ok to be angry, if I release and manage my feelings in a healthy way instead of suppressing them. Anger is a normal and acceptable response to certain situations, and I’ve come to find suppressing it does more harm than good as evidenced by my knot filled shoulders.
Developing coping mechanisms can provide an outlet to channel anger through skills such as assertiveness, or boxing. (my personal choice.) As I drove down the turnpike at ninety miles per hour to avoid missing our 8AM flight, the coping options were limited. I felt my back muscles snake around one another as I tried to pretend everything was just fine. Reflecting back, I may have been better off screaming out some of the frustration, but I’ll be working towards that goal. Unleash your Anger 101. Sign me up.