An Inside Job
After 18 months of a full house, I face a dramatic change in my daily life with only one child residing at home and a plethora of free time.
I’m trying to focus on what I want out of these next chapters of life. I have identified my personal passions including my design work and my writing, but the problem is how do I make my passions fulfilling? I struggle with my passions feeling worthwhile or of value. Am I impactful? Does anyone really care? And why should they care? ‘Why?’ is the question that keeps appearing in my mind.
It’s important to me that I choose to spend my time focusing on pursuits of value. Am I making any difference in this world? I’ve read the advice from life coaches and listened to motivational speakers preaching we should look internally for answers and ignore the external for affirmations. They would advise that my reward should come from my own beliefs and if my passions are meaningful to me, others’ opinions are irrelevant. I can feel the passion from within and believe it’s worthwhile, but the result is only measured by the external. Is anyone affected by my passions? If not, it seems to me the fulfillment is only self-serving. And this is where my overthinking begins.
So, the bigger question becomes how we can take our passions and pursue them in a form that is of value in the world and to others. At the end of each day, our lives have more meaning if we feel that we’ve been productive and impactful on others. The day I spent volunteering for an animal shelter gave me this fulfillment, the days I spent on job sites in India and Ecuador conjured feelings of joy and accomplishment. Most of us can’t be saving the world every day and we need to find fulfillment in other ways. My hope is that while being true to my own path, I can help someone through their journey in life. I marvel at the renovation reality shows featuring families that have overcome tremendous hurdles and misfortune in their life. The interior designer steps in and re-designs their home with a big reveal. As I watch the transformation and tears, all I can think is ‘I would jump at the opportunity to help someone through my interior design.’ The merging of my skillset with improving someone’s life is a daydream I have often. I write with the same goals in mind. How can my story help someone? I’ve been asked why I’m willing to reveal my personal struggles and the answer is simple. I wish I had found more people who were willing to share honestly when I was struggling. I wish someone shared their experiences so I could identify with them and gain the confidence and courage I needed. When life is confusing and you’re making huge choices that will affect your children, it’s easy to hide from the truth, pretend it’s ok, and move forward. I write to provide an example and a mirror.
As I write, like I do every Tuesday, some things have changed. I sit in a very quiet, very clean house and begin to plot my second act. I’m sure I’ll soon start searching on Medium and sifting through podcasts about fulfillment, empty nesters, and cooking for two. But the biggest search will be going on inside me to figure out where my fulfillment lies, who will be on that journey with me, and how I can help others along the way.