The Courage to Change
In the midst of the pandemic my daughter came to me to discuss transferring colleges. After one short normal semester, life as we know it ended. Perhaps it was her extended time at home, or natural growth since making her college decisions at seventeen, but she knew it was time for a change.
My head spins with an influx of ‘what if’s’ when I comprehend the courage it takes to make a dramatic life change. The courage to embark on a journey where there are no guarantees is admirable. I look at my daughter in awe of her courage, and her commitment to voluntarily initiate a life transition. She downloaded those applications in January and got after it. I smiled, and replied, “Of course.” Truth be told, when she came to me with the idea, I felt a daunting wave wash over me and my knees may have slightly buckled. My middle daughter was in the middle of applying to college and as a dance major the grueling audition process provided sleepless nights and hours of attention and nagging. ‘Here we go again.’ I thought.
I know from my own journey change is tough,choosing to end a twenty-five year relationship was no small task. The future was unknown. You do your best to make a calculated decision. You talk to your confidants and family, and ultimately, turn inward to your gut. ‘Where do I believe I will find my happiness and joy?’ I try to set an example for my girls and make sure they understand that they hold the power to change any situation they find themselves in. There is no circumstance you are stuck in forever. We can control our own destiny by paths we choose and choices we make. My choices were driven by the knowledge that I was demonstrating to my daughters the power of the courage to change. We do not need to accept a situation which is not healthy for us or unfulfilling.
At nineteen, my daughter was able to identify her need for change, and take action. When I was nineteen I’m not sure I knew what food I preferred to eat. As assembled a list of schools to apply to, it was clear she was leaping bravely into the unknown. All the colleges were quite a distance from home, and I gulped as she plowed through the essays.
Change can bring about so many wonderful things but we go in blindly. It is easier to stay in the safe space we know with the comfort of predictability. It’s tempting to stay in a situation which is ‘fine’ or ‘good enough’ but that’s not where I choose to live and it's not how I choose to raise my daughters. I say go for the hundred percent. I know what you're thinking, nothing is one hundred percent, nothing is perfect.This is true and I agree, but why aim for less? It is likely that your one hundred percent will include some concessions, but it will be your choice. I know that my daughter looked at her situation and said, “This is not good enough for me. I may be halfway through my college career but there is still time to pursue my one hundred percent.”
I look at my daughter with such admiration and pride. I hope my actions played some small role in demonstrating to her that change is worth the effort and the risk. It may not be perfect, and it may not be what we expected, but the reward is in the lesson of the journey and the ability to look inward and trust yourself to know what is best for you even when it’s complicated.There is never a wrong time to make change. It’s never too late. At nineteen my daughter understands, you’re never too deep in a situation to chase your one hundred percent.